Two years ago -given or taken a couple of months
I had my conversation test with Justin, my EEC teacher
*British... great looking guy, incredibly funny and smart..

Our conversation was pretty much like.... this:

Justin (J) : hello Stef.. how'r ya?
Stef (S) : fine fine.. everything's going well..
J : yea? what's been going on these days?
S: oh.. a couple of days ago I've just came home from a retreat.. school program..

J: and how's that going?
S: I loooveeee it.... learnt and realized a lot of things..
J: and what is that?
S: well... one of them is that God is kind... really kind

J: how can it be?
S: well.. He gimme sooo much in my life.. I have family, friends, bestfriends, good life.. and everything else; so much that I can only thank Him for giving me those
J: ow, I don't know, but I don't think that God is kind
S: yea? how is that possible? what makes you think that way Justin?

J: do you watch news?
S:.. mm.. not really.. why?
J: I watched the world's news.
Do you know how life is in poor country? in the 3rd world country?
They're awful Stef. People are hungry, sick, dying.
Those people are only bone and skin. There are flies flying in and out of a kid's ear. Gangrenes on kids legs. Awful.
Hence, I don't think that God is kind. What kind of God anyway for letting His people sick and dying?

* and at this point I questioned myself.. this is a conversation test for who exactly?

S: well... ummm...I don't know what's the answer Justin..
It just... whatever it's going on, I still believe that God is truly kind. Especially to me. And that's what I got from my retreat.
J: oh-kay......

bla bla bla.....

What I want to point out is..
Justin's question somehow is being my one-of-big-question eversince.
Though I still believe that God is kind..
the question's still hanging over my mind for these two years
-more often in these days.. right after what just happened in Jogja-

Why do God let His people suffer?
Why do bad things happen to good people? >> most of the time, I supposed
How do He take care of us actually?

Two years ago, I didn't have any answers coming out from my mouth.
I just know that God is kind. Period.
And I don't like that one to be questioned for I don't know how I supposed to respond.

I've been doing some thinking on these days.
And I think, presumably, IF
any particular someone happened to ask me that question again
I may already have my answer.

God loves us.. dearly.
He wants us to be good people by letting us help the others.
to be able to see the light beyond all those bad, disastrous times.
to be able to create the life.. the world like we've always craved for.
to be able to see the goodness in other people's heart -those who spare their precious time and energy to help us through tough times.

How's it gonna be if everything just going allrite and smooth?
We won't be able to appreciate life.
to feel any gratitude towards others.
to feel the satisfaction after making through the lows.
Thus, we won't be thankful for what we have in our life, for we only know the good ones.

What's good about a life like that one anyway?

well.. who am I to assume what He wants?
Yet... I still believe that God issss kind.
For me, I'm so thankful for what I have.
Not that I'm saying that I have my dreams and wishes all fulfilled.
There are plenty of them :) trust me.

It just...
the thought what-I-have-now-is-much-more-than-I've-ever-asked
-in other words : thankful-
kind of strengthens me when I feel like my prayers don't get answered :)
or... when I feel like I screwed my days out.

Oh Stef.. you're being so religious today aren't ya?
-just spill out one of my I'd-like-to-share thougt-


- Out -

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heyaya...
lama buannggettt yah... sejak terakhir tulis postingan?
apa daya...
ujian menumpuk..
tugas menggunung..
yang paling penting : modem rusakkkkk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

huahhhhhhhhhh!!!
stress banget deh..

hmmph! hari ini baru kelar ujian ob1
that is.. pengenalan gigi posterior

setelah sekian private lessons dari ko James plus Oom Bernard..
akhirnya ujian berakhir dalam waktu 10 menit aja gituh..
bisa? ngga? masih ngga tau..

just wait and see...
eh.. tapi ujian pengenalan gigi anterior gwe dapet 80.. yippiieee...^^
senang senang..
hope that this can be better d'oh

banyak banget yang mao dikerjain nih..
nonton Xmen III and Davinci Code masuk prioritas...
cari dana buat aksos ke Pondok Damai juga..
belom lagi ujian.. auhhh..

OHYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
gwe kemaren ke Pondok Damai gitu..
Panti Asuhan tempat dulu live in..

gila gilaaaaaaa..~
anak-anak nya masih pada inget gwe gituuu..padahal udah 2 taon
duhhhhh apalagi Lizet.. makin manis aja deh...
kalian bener2 malaikat2 kecil dehhhh.... *hugggggg*

ah.. semoga semua lancar..
September jadi bisa ke sana....

*bersedih karena Elliot Yamin ga masuk final American Idol...!!!

- Out -

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sakin senengnya sampe pengen nangis deh..
kemaren sampe udah berkaca-kaca.
huwaaahh.. cengeng~

waktu hari senen kan ada demo buruh tuh..
sempet bingung mao masuk kuliah apa ngga..
akhirnya si Teppi anakrajin masuk kuliah
dan gwe menghabiskan waktu 3 jem buat nunguin praktikum histologi.. huh..

di tengah penantian panjang itu *tsaahh*
si nenekjelek dari ningbo sms... suruh ol...
mao dicolokkin di mana?? di idung?? di kuping??

di tengah jalan pulang gwe udah ketar-ketir takut si jelek udah off tuh
uh.. dengan kecepatan mendekati kecepatan cahaya *hiperbol*
gwe ganti baju + cuci muka + cuci baju trus cepet2 nyalain kompu deh

eh.. internet connectionnya error!!!!!
gwe udah gemeeesssss bgt sama ni modem... ngajakin berantem beneran!!

akhirnyaa.. setelah membaca habis tabloid bintang indonesia
dan melahap abis 1 bungkus crackers.. duh.. ga penting abis deh
bisa ol jugaaaa~ huwaaaaa

gila gila...
gwe kangen banget dah ngobrol ma si nenek
duh.. bis gitu gwe msg si che2... suruh ol jugaaaa..

tadaaaa~
osaka-ningbo-jakarta berkumpul di msn...
duhhh.. seneng banget banget banget!

rasanya udah kayak se abad ga ketemu aja..
padahal baru beberapa bulan

rasanya udah kayak ga pernah contact aja
padahal setiap ari gwe sms si jelek.. dan kita semua imel-imelan.
baru 3 hari yg lalu chat sama che

rasanya legaaaaaaaaaaaaaa banget
bisa ngeluarin semuanya..

you know.. cerita tanpa harus khawatir untuk di-judge
cerita tanpa harus berpikir ulang dan menyensor kata2 *haha*
karena tau kalo si pihak pendengar mengerti maksud kita
bener-bener didengerin dan dimengerti..

amazing banget
karena walaupun kita ga ngerasain situasi hidup satu sama lain
kita masih bisa saling ngertiin posisi satu sama lain
dan masih bisa ngasih pandangan untuk masalah masing-masing

karena walaupun kita udah punya temen-temen baru yang asik
kita masih kangen untuk bercerita satu sama lain

karena walaupun 'cuma' lewat msn..
kita bisa ngrasain sedih-seneng-bingung-stress nya satu sama lain

untuk diingatkan kembali..
ada orang-orang yang bener-bener ngerti perasaan dan the way we think
ada orang-orang yang bisa memberikan best advice
dan ada orang-orang yang sangat suportif banget bangetbanget untuk segala keputusan yang kita buat

may be it sounds cliche.. but that's exactly what I feel :)

jadi deh.. hari itu gwe nongkrong di depan komputer
dari jem setengah 3 sampe jem 6....
terus lanjut lagi jem 8 malem sampe jem 12...

haha.. kita semua pada lupa waktu gitu.. parah!
ada yang ga makan siang
ada yang ga mandi sampe pagi
ada yang nahan boker...
sapa tuh yaaaaaa..... wakakak :P

kelar chat badan pegeeeeeeeeeeelll semua...
jari sampe kram gitu. ngetiknya seru banget sih..
cerita panjang banget ga kira-kira...

hmm kayaknya seminggu ini bakal terus begini...
hohoho... aku sennnaaaanng sekaliiiiihhh....

masih inget deh dulu pas si che2 baru pergi
bingung... mao jalan... sendiri..
mao nginep and cerita sampe pagi.. udah ga ada orangnya

lebih inget lagi pas nenek baru pergi
dan gwe lagi stress berat
dan yang pertama kepikiran di kepala gwe adalah 'huh.. ntar pulang mao cerita!'
dan tiba-tiba nyadar.. dia udah ga di sini..
udah ga bisa telponan..
...nangis aja loh gwe.... hahahaha cengeeeeennnnggggg~

dan kemaren kita semua merasakan hal yang sama
for some times.. apalagi kalo lagi ada problems
kita ngrasa stress.. dan lonely karena ga bisa cerita
karena merasa orang-orang di sekitar kita kurang bisa ngerti perasaan kita

dan kita ngrasa sorry karena ga bisa bantu..
dan really really 'ada' buat satu sama lain saat-saat itu

dan sedih.. karena dulu gak begitu
begitu ada kejadian apaa aja.. langsung deh.. broadcasting satu RT.. haha

but life moves on honey..
emang jalannya udah harus begini
memang untuk saat ini.. kita harus ngejalanin lifepath masing-masing
ahh.. tak sabar untuk berkumpul kembali !!!!!!!

sisters... esp che and nenek...
duh... love you and miss you girls

I know for sure that we'll be always be sunshine for each others
for that's our promise
for that's the one of many things we won't change....
*terkenang-kenang waktu di Puncak.. huaaah*

oh ya nih.. satu lagi kebodohan gwe..
tep.. kapan sih mao jadi anakpinter?

kan pas udah mao pada off.. saat semua bye-bye terucap..
gwe bilang gini

gwe: aduh.. gila nih.. gwe seneng banget temans.. kita bisa berkumpul di sini
che + nek : iyaaa.. gwe jugaaa.. duhh kangen kangen...

gwe: iya! bayangkan.. kita di 3 benua yang berbeda masih bisa saling cerita gini...
che + nek : ......
che + nek : eh.. si bego!!
kita tuh jepang-china-indo... mana di 3 benua sih! ada juga 3 negara di 1 benua... si oon deh!!!!

aduhhhh
merusak suasana deh kalian!!
yang penting kan kalian tahu maksudkuuwww..
udah tau juga ilmu bumi gwe parah...
hihaihiahiahiaahiiahia.... missss youuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!

- Out -

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