Two years ago -given or taken a couple of months
I had my conversation test with Justin, my EEC teacher
*British... great looking guy, incredibly funny and smart..

Our conversation was pretty much like.... this:

Justin (J) : hello Stef.. how'r ya?
Stef (S) : fine fine.. everything's going well..
J : yea? what's been going on these days?
S: oh.. a couple of days ago I've just came home from a retreat.. school program..

J: and how's that going?
S: I loooveeee it.... learnt and realized a lot of things..
J: and what is that?
S: well... one of them is that God is kind... really kind

J: how can it be?
S: well.. He gimme sooo much in my life.. I have family, friends, bestfriends, good life.. and everything else; so much that I can only thank Him for giving me those
J: ow, I don't know, but I don't think that God is kind
S: yea? how is that possible? what makes you think that way Justin?

J: do you watch news?
S:.. mm.. not really.. why?
J: I watched the world's news.
Do you know how life is in poor country? in the 3rd world country?
They're awful Stef. People are hungry, sick, dying.
Those people are only bone and skin. There are flies flying in and out of a kid's ear. Gangrenes on kids legs. Awful.
Hence, I don't think that God is kind. What kind of God anyway for letting His people sick and dying?

* and at this point I questioned myself.. this is a conversation test for who exactly?

S: well... ummm...I don't know what's the answer Justin..
It just... whatever it's going on, I still believe that God is truly kind. Especially to me. And that's what I got from my retreat.
J: oh-kay......

bla bla bla.....

What I want to point out is..
Justin's question somehow is being my one-of-big-question eversince.
Though I still believe that God is kind..
the question's still hanging over my mind for these two years
-more often in these days.. right after what just happened in Jogja-

Why do God let His people suffer?
Why do bad things happen to good people? >> most of the time, I supposed
How do He take care of us actually?

Two years ago, I didn't have any answers coming out from my mouth.
I just know that God is kind. Period.
And I don't like that one to be questioned for I don't know how I supposed to respond.

I've been doing some thinking on these days.
And I think, presumably, IF
any particular someone happened to ask me that question again
I may already have my answer.

God loves us.. dearly.
He wants us to be good people by letting us help the others.
to be able to see the light beyond all those bad, disastrous times.
to be able to create the life.. the world like we've always craved for.
to be able to see the goodness in other people's heart -those who spare their precious time and energy to help us through tough times.

How's it gonna be if everything just going allrite and smooth?
We won't be able to appreciate life.
to feel any gratitude towards others.
to feel the satisfaction after making through the lows.
Thus, we won't be thankful for what we have in our life, for we only know the good ones.

What's good about a life like that one anyway?

well.. who am I to assume what He wants?
Yet... I still believe that God issss kind.
For me, I'm so thankful for what I have.
Not that I'm saying that I have my dreams and wishes all fulfilled.
There are plenty of them :) trust me.

It just...
the thought what-I-have-now-is-much-more-than-I've-ever-asked
-in other words : thankful-
kind of strengthens me when I feel like my prayers don't get answered :)
or... when I feel like I screwed my days out.

Oh Stef.. you're being so religious today aren't ya?
-just spill out one of my I'd-like-to-share thougt-


- Out -

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